I have a really cynical outlook on my career. I think that the combination of not being able to find a job after graduation combined with fear of being outed at work has set me up for an outlook of failure. I still long for stability, for a place to live, to be free of the fear that I may run out of money at a moments notice. I long for the script that I saw my parents live, but I wish to make it my own.
The only way I see to get there is with money. A stable job, a partener with a stable job, another source of income I have yet to figure out.
That first year after graduation were I applied for work and recived nothing back cemented in a feeling that there was no way into a stable career. I still belive that the way I was looking for work that year will never land me a job. I was fed lies by everyone who was older and more experienced than me. They may have belived those lies, but that never made it more true.
I think it's time that I started looking for a career again. I have been out of the game for 6 months and have landed a good part time job. Thank goodness I pass, thank goodness I can swim, thank you Mom and Dad for making 16 year old me become a lifeguard. I hated it, but it saved my life 10 years later. The fact that I can land a job like this has given me a hope in something that I did not think I would again.